Pluto’s not a planet. It’s official and maybe important too.
The repercussions could be staggering.
Right on the surface of things, we have to ask, does this mean Mickey Mouse needs a new dog?
Does this mean Maine is still a real state?
And can we call Wyoming a dwarf for failure to meet population requirements?
Can we now demote France from “nation” to “jurisdiction of questionable use?”
Pluto has been demoted by a group of astronomers meeting in the Czech Republic to a dwarf planet, a designation it will share with two other objects in space. Anyone who’s read any good fantasy will know these axe-wielding people of short stature can be your best friend or worst enemy.
Joining Pluto is UB313. UB313 is even bigger than Pluto, and the ACLU already had taken the case pro bono to ensure this object, informally named “Xena,” would earn its rightful place among the planets.
If Pluto stayed a planet, Ceres was getting a piece of the action too. It would get to rejoin the happy family of planets. We’d have at least 11 planets.
Teachers can thank these astronomers. They won’t have to run out and buy new Styrofoam balls to expand the solar system models in their classrooms. This could have gotten bad with the number of objects in the Kuiper Belt that might stack up to Pluto. Now they can just chuck Pluto, as if anyone cares.
Except, somehow, people do care.
This from CNN: “After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930.”
That sounds serious with tumult and clashing and stripping status. Sounds like American politics or the battle for Gondor.
Indeed, one star warrior proclaims the resolution flawed because at least one criterion is a farce. It requires that a planet “has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.” But Earth, Mars, Jupiter and Neptune all have asteroids as neighbors; and none of them will turn their music down until the cops show up.
Worry not, Pluto fans. Pluto may rise again. Only 424 astronomers out of about 10,000 professional astronomers around the globe were actually allowed to vote, and some are already circulating a petition to overturn the decision.
Teachers should start saving their coins. It looks like their models may not be off the hook after all.
In other important news around the world, San Francisco had some kind of walk-like-a-zombie day on Aug. 19.
From the Web: “After claiming Union Square as their own, they then went back down toward Market where they proceeded to invade the flagship San Francisco Apple Store, causing chaos at the Bandwidth Shindig, which was taking place upstairs. Their current whereabouts are unknown, but rumor has it that they were looking for a “think tank” to find more Brains!!!!” (laughingsquid.com/2006/08/19/zombies-invade-san-francisco)
Apparently this has been going on since last year around the world, breaking out for the first time in Montreal, a hint that perhaps this is something best avoided. After all, they are practically French.
However, coming up Sept. 19, be sure to talk like a pirate on – the name of this holiday might be surprising – International Talk Like a Pirate Day, invented in our very own county. (talklikeapirate.com)
Pirates being all about water brings us to the most important news item of all. Science fiction writer Orson Scott Card (hatrack.com) warns us this week about a really scary emerging calamity related to bottled water.
In 25 years, the industries has grown from something like 1 million bottles per year to 1 billion.
Apparently, one-fifth of all bottles are thrown away with the lid tightly attached and an average of one ounce of water still sloshing away inside, taking them out of the earth’s hydrosystem for about 10 gajillion years.
The danger lurking here if the trend continues, according to Card, is that in 400,000 years, all of the earth’s carbon and all of the earth’s oceans will be locked up in these bottles.
From Card: “…Each of us can do our part to prevent this catastrophe by making sure to empty water bottles before discarding them, thus releasing their water into the wild.
“Whether you pour out your water bottle over a thirsty plant or simply dump it onto asphalt or concrete, it will eventually evaporate and rejoin the rest of the planet’s hydrosystem. Thus you will be helping, an ounce at a time, to stave off global disaster.
“And if you make sure to deposit your empty bottles into the recycling system, you will truly have done your part to prevent unthinkable calamity.”