Sean C. Morgan
Of The New Era
Brian J. Gilbert, 21, had two sides. One was rough and trouble-prone, but the other was one that was compassionate, helpful to others.
Gilbert, called B.J. by friends and family, was killed last week in a fatal wreck in the hills above Foster Lake. KateLyne Dugan, 10, of Sweet Home also died when a pickup truck in which they were riding rolled.
Gilbert was one of three persons convicted and serving a prison sentence in the arson fire that destroyed old Willamette Industries Sweet Home Mill structures off the end of 24th Avenue.
His parents, Delbert and Charlotta Gilbertt of Lebanon were well aware of that side of their son.
But Delbert Gilbert didn’t fully understand or realize the second side of his son, he said. It was something B.J. tried to hide from both his parents and the cops.
One probation officer was making a difference in B.J.’s life, Delbert said. “He used to tell my son stupidity hurts.”
Something would happen, and he’d ask B.J. if he learned from it, Delbert said, and B.J. never forgot that line.
He was straightening B.J. out, and B.J. didn’t quite realize it, Delbert said. B.J.’s fiancé had a similar background, but she wanted to leave that life behind. She was pushing B.J. to do the same.
“He started listening to her,” Delbert said. “I just found out he was changing to the good.”
He was hitting the streets, looking for work in recent weeks, Delbert said.
Recently, he was talking about going back to school to become a psychologist, Charlotta said.
Over the past week, the Gilberts have been getting calls from B.J.’s friends and hearing stories about the other side of B.J.
One said, “If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here,” Delbert said. That was from a man whom B.J. had sat down and lectured about drug use. He told that friend that if he kept going down the path he was on, he would end up like B.J. He told him to straighten up.
That man is now a sergeant in the military, serving his third tour in Iraq, Delbert said. B.J. influenced people positively and finding out about it “gives me so much comfort.”
He could help people find a way off drugs or alcohol, Charlotta said. When friends needed to hear something about the way they were raising their children, he could talk to them, tell them to stop and think about what they were doing.
“My son had two sides,” Delbert said. “One of them I didn’t even know, one I wish to God I did. To him it was a weak side. To me that’s the strongest side of a man. He didn’t want to show it to the cops or to me. I’m just finding this all out, and it just makes me feel great.”
“He was always standing up for the underdog,” Charlotta said. If someone was getting pushed, “he was there” to help.
He dealt with folks from all walks of life, she said. She has had many calls from all kinds of people who said “when we needed him, we was always right there.”
From what he understands, KateLyne really liked B.J., Delbert said. The night before the crash, he was reading and singing with her. The day of the accident, they were supposed to go swimming before B.J. was to visit his parents.
“He always loved having fun,” Charlotta said. “It didn’t matter what it was. He hated being serious.”
“He went out laughing,” Delbert said.
B.J. hated drama, but when one of his friends was in the middle of some crisis and the phone call came, he would be right in the middle of it, helping out his buddies, Charlotta said. “He was always talking on the phone, getting with friends. He loved to camp and party hearty.”
He enjoyed music and talking with people, she said. He was also smart.
“He was in the fifth grade and going over how to calculate the number of atoms in a square inch of iron,” Charlotta said. Delbert was taking a college metallurgy class at the same time and had the same question.
“Brian read the book, figured it out and took his homework to school,” she said. The teacher said the answer was wrong, but the point was “he was in fifth grade doing college work. He was always very bright. I think that was part of his problem in school. They didn’t challenge him.”
He once switched schools and missed a chunk of math while doing it, Charlotta said, but with his grandmother’s help, he taught himself what he missed.
B.J. attended grade school in Lebanon. He dropped out of Sweet Home High School in the 10th grade. He completed his GED in Washington State.
Delbert told The New Era he was also proud of his injured daughter, Lilly Ann Gilbert, who walked up the hill from the crash site to get a cell phone signal and call for help.
“Without that they all would have died,” he said. Emergency workers were able to locate the wreck using the global positioning system and her cell phone. “I’m looking at my daughter, and I’m so proud of what she did.”
“I do miss him,” Delbert said. “I’ll always miss him, and his Grandma will.”
“I do not blame Patrick Dugan,” Delbert said. “He lost a child, someone very special to him. I lost my son.”
He said Dugan apologized for his mistake, and he told him, “Let’s get over the hate and anger. Let’s be friends. You’re hurt. My daughter’s hurt.”
It was a mistake made by four adults, Delbert said, and sometimes mistakes lead to something tragic.
For taking responsibility, Delbert said, “that’s one hell of a man.”
A memorial service is planned from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sunday, July 8, at River Park in Lebanon. It will include a potluck. The Gilberts are asking that anyone who has photos of B.J. to bring them, so they can identify them, copy them and get them back to the owner of the photos.
B.J. didn’t let many people take photos of him, Delbert said, and they have few photos of him in recent years.
They also ask that people write down their stories about B.J., things they liked or even things they didn’t like.