By Satina Tolman
For The New Era
For a holiday marked by backyard barbecues, camping trips and retail sales, the veterans of Sweet Home and Lebanon say Memorial Day carries a much heavier meaning.
“Memorial Day is for the guys who didn’t come home,” said Michael Black, a Sweet Home resident who served 21 years in the U.S. Marine Corps.
For Black and many other veterans, the holiday is not one of celebration, but remembrance. It is a solemn day dedicated to friends, brothers-in-arms and fellow service members who never returned home to their families.
“It’s not for us,” Black said. “It’s for those who are gone, but not forgotten.”
Landon Sumpter, a Lebanon resident who spent eight years on active duty in the U.S. Army and four in the Reserves, including five years stationed in Baumholder, Germany, served both before and after the fall of the Berlin Wall. He retired as a Staff Sgt. (E-6) after being honorably discharged.
“To me, personally, it’s the day we get to pay our respects for the men and women of all of our armed forces that gave their lives to preserve the freedoms that we are able to enjoy every day,” he said.
Remembering the fallen
Observed annually on the last Monday in May, Memorial Day honors military personnel who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Originally known as Decoration Day following the Civil War, the observance began as a way to decorate the graves of fallen soldiers with flowers and flags.
Veterans interviewed said the distinction between Memorial Day and Veterans Day is often misunderstood.
“Memorial Day is a day for mourning. Veterans Day is a day for celebration,” said Nick Ashworth, a retired Marine who served 23 years and is a Sweet Home resident.
John Kuhns, a Sweet Home resident and retired U.S. Air Force master sergeant who served 21 years, echoed that sentiment.
“Memorial Day is for all those who served and did not come back home. They gave their all,” Kuhns said. “Veterans Day is a day to celebrate all those who did not give their all but were willing to.”
Sumpter said he believes the meaning of Memorial Day has shifted over time.
“Yes, for many people who have never served or had family members who have served, it has definitely become just another three-day weekend.”
For many veterans, however, the day is deeply personal.
Black, who enlisted in the Marines in 1984 directly out of high school, and was stationed at Camp Pendleton in California, retired as a gunnery sergeant after serving in the infantry for more than two decades.
He said he has lost “too many” friends in service to name.
“I don’t like to talk about particular friends because it’s personal,” he said quietly.
Ashworth carries similar memories.
“People say we’re the lucky ones,” he said. “But I don’t like that either because at least they died for something. We’re going to die of something.”
Both veterans said expressions of gratitude from civilians can feel complicated.
Black said he does not enjoy being thanked for his service.
“I volunteered, and we got paid to go fight bad guys,” he said. “I don’t like to be thanked for my service.”
Ashworth said he understands the intention comes from a good place, but it still brings difficult memories to the surface.
“People are just trying to be nice,” he said. “But it reminds me of all the friends I’ve lost. Too many to name.”
A quiet kind of grief
For many service members, Memorial Day is observed privately.
Ryan Matteson, quartermaster of Sweet Home VFW Post 3437 and a retired Navy veteran who worked in aviation electronics and radar jamming, said he spends Memorial Day quietly.
“The cemetery and home. That is all I do on Memorial Day,” Matteson said. “I don’t like to be around the public.”
Matteson participates in cemetery honors despite lingering health issues caused by injuries and repeated heat exposure during his military service.
“When people ask what I’m doing for Memorial Day, I tell them I’ll be standing in the heat holding a 20-pound rifle for an hour,” he said. “But that’s not nearly as bad a sacrifice as other people made.”
Even on mild days, Matteson said he struggles physically because of prior head injuries and multiple incidents of heatstroke suffered during his years in the Navy.
“But it’s a small price to pay to give tribute to those who paid their all,” he said.
Kuhns said Memorial Day has changed over the years and has become increasingly commercialized.
“Like Christmas, Memorial Day has become much more commercialized, and we’ve lost the meaning behind what we are supposed to be remembering,” he said.
Still, he believes families can gather and enjoy traditions while honoring the purpose behind the holiday.
“It would be nice if, when you bring your family together, you just take a moment and say there are those who gave their lives so we can have this freedom,” Kuhns said. “It doesn’t take a lot to remember the purpose of the day.”
Sumpter also emphasized what he believes civilians often misunderstand about the holiday.
“When there is even ONE member of the family in the military, the ENTIRE family is serving our country,” he said.
Congress established a National Moment of Remembrance in 2000, encouraging Americans to pause for one minute at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day.
Respect for sacrifice
Several veterans said seeing American flags displayed throughout town still carries emotional significance.
“When you’ve been gone for years overseas and you’re fighting bad guys, you feel pride when you come home and see the American flag flying,” Black said. “You feel pride.”
Kuhns said the flag represents sacrifice.
“When I see the flags flying, I just give a moment of silence to think about those who gave their all, even the graves of American soldiers in foreign countries who gave their all for others to have freedom from oppression,” he said.
Black said he appreciates the effort many Americans make to honor the holiday, even if they never personally knew anyone who served.
“I actually love it because they are respecting people they don’t even know,” he said. “They’re showing appreciation for even just being here.”
Veterans also emphasized that the sacrifices of military families are often overlooked.
Ashworth paid special tribute to the wives of fallen service members.
“The wives don’t get enough respect during Memorial Day,” he said. “They are the unsung heroes backing the soldiers at home.”
He described the fear military spouses endure when word spreads that someone has been killed within a unit.
“The wives have to come together and support one another until they find out who it was,” Ashworth said. “That just about destroys you; the not knowing.”
Sumpter also stressed the weight carried by military families and what he wants people to remember about those who never came home.
“When those soldiers go off to active duty they leave behind, spouse’s, children, siblings and parents. All who love and worry about them. Many are still teenagers. Oftentimes when military personnel are called to active duty in combat assignments, there is no guarantee of their safe return. They willingly sign their name on the dotted line and raise their hand and take an oath to defend the nation against all enemies, foreign and domestic. They do this of their own free will in order to preserve the freedoms that we are blessed to have in our country.”
He believes Memorial Day should also recognize those families left behind.
Black agrees, “Memorial Day should be as much about the wives who lost their husbands as it is about the soldiers who were lost.”
Serving the community at home
Sweet Home and Lebanon are home to a significant veteran population. According to U.S. Census Bureau data, 706 veterans live within Sweet Home city limits. Including surrounding rural communities within Sweet Home School District boundaries, that number rises to nearly 1,500 veterans.
Lebanon is home to an additional 1,352 veterans within city limits. According to census data, the concentration of veterans in the Sweet Home and Lebanon area is estimated to be roughly 20% higher than Oregon’s statewide average veteran population.
Many continue serving long after leaving the military.
Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 3437 volunteers participate in local parades, place flags throughout town, maintain cemetery grounds, conduct Memorial Day services and teach flag etiquette in local schools. The organization also provides bikes to children, food baskets to families in need, supports military families and hosts community events throughout the year.
The VFW partners with the American Legion to conduct annual Memorial Day ceremonies at Gilliland and Crawfordsville cemeteries, complete with honor guards, wreath presentations and guest speakers.
Black and Ashworth said while military branches often tease and compete with one another, there is a deeper bond among veterans who understand loss.
“They served, and they’ve lost brothers, and there’s respect for that,” Black said. “We’re like a family. A family that loves to (heckle each other).”
Kuhns said he hopes younger generations understand military service is more than simply employment.
“So many have given their blood and even given their all to make this country strong and keep us free,” he said. “It matters.”
Honoring the flag
Although Memorial Day has passed, local veterans say the spirit of remembrance should continue beyond a single weekend.
Matteson said the Sweet Home VFW accepts worn and tattered American flags for proper retirement ceremonies leading up to Flag Day on June 14.
“People put up new flags during Memorial Day weekend, and we ask them to bring us the old ones,” Matteson said.
The VFW conducts an official flag retirement ceremony annually on Flag Day, respectfully retiring U.S., state and military flags according to established protocol. Last year, the organization retired 275 flags.
Residents may drop off worn flags at Sweet Home VFW Post 3437, located at 580 Main St.
For the veterans who gathered to share their memories, the message behind Memorial Day remains simple and deeply personal: remember those who never came home.
