Editor:
“’Tis spring, and a young man’s fancy turns to…” you know, luv.
“Oh, my heart races every time I see her/him!”
“If she/he would be mine, wouldn’t everyone envy me!”
“We’d go to my favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian place….”
“I just want to be with her/him every minute, all the time.”
Have you noticed a theme here? It’s all about him/her. This is not love. This admired person may have higher goals than to be a toy, but to be a teammate, working together, not for.
Consider this: I heard it on the radio.
Supper is done. She says to him, “Please help me with the dishes.”
“I don’t want to help with the dishes.”
“I know, but I want you to want to help me with the dishes.”
“Why would I want that?”
Remember above, he wanted to be with her all the time.
Let’s define what real love is not: wiser than you, stronger, in control, rich and generous, proud,
boastful, demeaning/rude, hold grudges, grouchy/grumbly, laugh when others fail or fall, greedy, taking advantage of a vulnerable victim.
Real love wants to contribute to the advancement and fulfillment of the beloved by working side by side as a team, encouraging, listening, compromising and adapting, persevering through problems, facing problems as a challenge rather than with a whine, enduring setbacks and discomforts for the advancement of the larger plan. Be honest, gentle, kind, respectful, think what effect your words and attitude will have on others. Make their day! Everyone does their share of duties (that others call chores), no slacking.
Whatever you do, do a decently good job, not “a lick and a promise.”
Whoever finds this marvelous person had better offer a similar character of himself to the companion.
Take a look inside yourself.
Man works from sunup to sundown, but woman’s work is never done…. Swap duties one day a month, and see how life looks when you wear the other person’s shoes. She can golf or go somewhere to communicate with adults while he gets the little baby up, fed and dressed, asks the 4-year-old to set the table, puts the toddler in the high chair, feeds the kids something better than Froot Loops, such as scrambled eggs, or oatmeal with raisins. Waffles are faster than pancakes. Each child takes his place- setting to the sink… nobody is the servant of anyone else to clear the table, so each one does his share. Load the dishwasher.
Sweep the kitchen. Change the sheets on a bed, and do a load of laundry. Diaper and feed the baby.
Play/teach the kids for a half hour. Feed kids lunch, down for naps. Clean the sinks and toilets. Water the petunias. Check the mailbox, answer what you need to. Fold the laundry. Diaper and feed the baby. Kids are up, load them in the car and go get groceries. You’ve smiled and been a pleasant parent all day, right?
Band-Aid a skinned knee. Diaper and feed the baby. Start making supper. Exhaustion! And the day isn’t even over yet. Be grateful you do it only once a month, while wifey never sits down all day when she’s on duty. She would love to have time to read sometimes, or catch up on the mending.
How does a person find such a treasure for a partner? Parties, no… everyone wears a facade, plays a game, best foot forward. You want to be real, and find a real mate. Old-fashioned corn huskings and barn raisings worked well, to observe how others work, or slack off. Some sports, gardening projects, volunteering, might work these days, or paint a Sunday school classroom together.
Take time to make a good choice, not merely beat a competitor. Love is a relationship, not a newer car.
How did I come by all this wisdom? Partly by making mistakes, then by interpreting I Corinthians 13 to fit my life and experience. (Bibles are free at the the bookstore on 12th and Long.)
By the way, true love will be generous to family and others, for their good, not for your self-
importance.
Don’t expect anyone to make you happy; forget about yourself. You make others happy, and it falls back on you. Same with love… give it, and it will be given back. That’s the only way the road goes.
Joan Scofield
Sweet Home